Her Last Death: A Memoir (1-50)

Summary

Her Last Death: A Memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg is an autobiography in which the author reflects about her life experiences and growing up with a troubled mother. The memoir begins in present day where Susanna, otherwise known as Susy, is a thirty seven year old married woman raising her young sons in the state of Montana. She is just living the simple life when she unprecedentedly receives a call from her Aunty Irene calls her to inform her that her mother has been in a car accident and is living in critical conditions in the hospital. Although she finds this news stunning, she is not surprised to hear that her mother has been hooking up with the doctor (Sonnenberg 1). Susy has not been in contact with her mother for a while now and is having internal conflicts pertaining to whether she should visit her mother in Barbados or not. It seems as if her mind is telling her she should go but her heart tells her it's best not to. Therefore, it leaves her questioning, should she trust her mind or her heart? It also leaves her wondering if she should do what would be considered the right thing or if she should do what is right for her.

Soon after Susy finishes her telephones conversation with her sister Penelope, she commences to excruciating flashbacks. At the age of eight, she is forced to mature quicker than most people her age. She takes care of her sister and listens attentively as her mother introduces her to a whole different world. She is introduced to a world of drugs, sex, and unnecessary lies. She watches her mother move on from men to men, some who are cab drivers, bartenders, movie stars, her mom did not care who she slept with. However, it is not only her mother who lacks to protect her and give her the tender, caring love and protection she needs as a child.

The author's father, who is divorced from the mother seems to have problems, as well. For example, Susy and her father went to the movies and there was a strange man sitting next to Susy. The man begins to touch her which makes her feel a little queasy. She tries to inform her father despite the fact she is frightened to disturb him from the movie. However, her father has this simplistic attitude that she should handle matters on her own or simply let it be. He henceforth fails to provide her the protection and guidance she needs. In addition, a little while later, her father interrogates her with utterly inappropriate questions. He asks her questions like, "Do you masturbate?" (Sonnenberg 35) and such along those lines. Clearly, Susy's parents must see her as a grown up in their eyes. I mean, what kind of parent exposes their child to this kind of sexual behaviour?

Quotes

"If I speak, I'll say, "Do I have to go?" So I mustn't open my mouth. I try to think what other people say in this situation. I'm afraid my mother will die. I'm afraid she won't. (Sonnenberg 2)

"Penelope, I stop her. For two days I've tasted nothing but contradiction. Should, can't, will, mustn't." (Sonnenberg 11)

Reaction

Although these particular quotes do not contain similes, metaphors, personification, and so on, I found these two quotes to be extremely powerful. Susy is clearly having conflict describing what people think she should do or what really she should do. The difference between the two is her family members all think she should be there supporting her mother but her heart is telling her that it is not the right thing for herself because of all her mother has put her through. In fact, she is even ashamed to tell her sons about their grandmother. 

In addition, I feel touched by these two quotes and it makes me to question the severity of the experiences Susy has faced for her to be saying that she's scared whether her mother dies but she's also scared at the same time if she does not. It also leaves me wondering, does she still love her mother? And if she does, is her love not enough for her to visit her ONE last time? I'm also curious to know whether the mother truly loves her daughter and if she just seemed troubled because of a psychological issue or maybe her childhood. 

Also, these quotes, in a sense, make me understand the title of the story a little bit better. I'm guessing that the author titled this "Her Last Death" because abstractly, she has watched her mother "die" a little over the years. Whether it means dying in the sense that drugs and sex caused her not to be herself or the lies she told her daughters. Overall, I feel sympathetic with Susy. She went through so much during her childhood and although I can't relate to her based on her life descriptions, I know what it feels like to have a troubled childhood.

This story is just too good so far and I'm curious to know even more as time comes!