Dreamland (198-250)

Summary


The last section of the book begins with Caitlin relaxing causally at home at 3 o' clock in the afternoon the day of the Fool's Day party (a party her mum and Boo hosts). Rina, her best friend shows up, saying it's a beautiful day out and wants to "kidnap" her to go to her lake house. However, Caitlin is objecting to it because even though she and Rogerson do not have any plans as of yet, she knows he will come around the house later on so they can hang out. Rina, who thinks its not healthy to be waiting around the house for a boy to call/come around, calls up Caitlin's mum to receive her opinion of the circumstance. Caitlin continuously makes up excuses why she can't leave but in the end she is forced to leave. Eventually, she agrees to it. When she's dressing up, she wears a dress but she also wears a jacket to cover up to bruises she has been receiving from Rogerson's violent abuses. Before she leaves, she attempts to call Rogerson's cellphone many times, there was no answer. She then called his house number, Corinna's number, and his best friend's number but there is still no answer. This leaves her very anxious but she still leaves for the lake house anyways.

When she and Rina are in the lake house, she's very apprehensive because she knows Rogerson will come around the house and would be waiting for her. Therefore, Caitlin continuously asks Rina that she wants to go home and she should drop her off. Rina thinks that Caitlin is overreacting and thinks that she should just relax. Caitlin decides to be stubborn and says she'll just walk all the way back to the house instead. While she is walking, Dave, Rina's boyfriend thinks that it wasn't right for them to fight that way so he offers to give her a ride. When she gets dropped off at home, Rogerson is already in front of the house waiting for her. He is apparently very pissed off and when Rina tries to talk and explain that she has called him so many times, he smacks her which hits her against the door. He then tells her to get up and yanks her up, she's confused so she tries to reassure him that she did nothing wrong. He then punches her which makes her fall into the door which then opens up. Soon after, Caitlin is in a bubble and all she sees is her mother running towards her while the police siren is around the corner. When Caitlin's mother gets there, she yanks him to the side and hugs and tries to comfort her. She then talks to her like how she use to do when she was younger. Although Rogerson has caused her so much hurt and pain in the past, all she wants is to have him right by her side.

Caitlin and Rina reunite their friendship after Rina comes to visit her in the hospital on the account of all those bruises she received from her abusive relationship. While in the hospital, Caitlin starts thinking more than she has ever done in her whole entire life and even cries for two days back to back because she feels guilty for not letting her parents to know and for allowing that to happen to her. Meanwhile, her mother regrets not noticing the signs and being too preoccupied with Cass's issues even though she wasn't with them. She knows that there were signs leading up to it and she feels very apologetic for not opening her eyes to accepting them. Meanwhile, while Caitlin is in the hospital, she receives more attention than she has ever in her whole entire life. Everyone is focused on her, she's not just some invisible other daughter to her parents anymore. She believes that she actually matters. She then receives a letter from Cass. Initially, she is hesitant to read it because she's still very angry with her sister for leaving her to deal with all her chaos and for not being there to guide, lead, and protect her. While she was talking to her psychologist, the psychologist assures her that even though Cass may appear perfect, she's not, and she does have her own flaws. For example, one flaw was leaving the entire family on the day of Caitlin's sixteenth birthday without letting her know and leaving her to figure out the world on her own. However, while reading the letter, Caitlin realizes why Cass left. Cass was too tired of being seen as perfect, she wanted to make her own decisions and live her own life without haveing to live up to the expectations of everyone else. She did not want to be under pressure anymore, she wanted freedom. Freedom to do as she wishes and to do what is solemnly in her best interest.

Quote


"I didn't know what to say to her just yet, but I knew I had a story to tell now, that was mine, hers, and ours. But for that one instant, I concentrated on reaching the surface, feeling the water break across my face as I burst through it into the air to finally breathe on my own" (Dessen 250)

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I found this quote to be extraordinarily powerful, especially as a last line in the book. I like it particularly because as a reader, I want the last few sentences of a book to sum up everything and to end with a good conclusions. I don't like it or appreciate it if a book leaves me with a mystery or leaves me wanting to acquire more pertaining to what happens next. Therefore, this quote gives me an insight on how Caitlin feels and her attitude currently. In the beginning, she was a girl who was still discovering who she was and what she wanted to be in life. She had no backbone, she needed to rely on other people for survival in certain aspects. She relied strongly on her sister until her departure. Then, when her sister left, she started dating a rebellious guy who supposedly brought out the best in her. In actuality, she wanted to try things that her sister has never done. However, as a result, it ended up hurting her and the people around her. As a reader, I've also watched her grow and develop into a strong, confident young woman that she is now. She just proved that her own sister has made mistakes and she's not perfect like she thought she was. As of right now, she's going to do things her way and live by her rules while being safe and intelligent about it. As for structure, I love the way the line about her being underwater and reaching for the surface. It kind of reminds me of a baby chick cracking and coming out of her/his shell. The baby chick is finally breaking free at last and is his/her own person. There is symbolism in the style she wrote it and I just simply admire and appreciate the way she used an analogy that is easy for me to understand A few questions I wish Sarah Dessen answered for me... -Did she actually love Rogerson or does she have the abusive woman syndrome? (Where abused women continously return to their boyfriends because they feel that they can't find better/are too attached to the guy) -Did she ever envy her sister? But then again...maybe she didn't because if she did, she would want to act like her rather than distance herself from her sister personality wise. -Rogerson introduced her to alcohol and pot...is she planning on stopping now or continuing on with it? -How does she feel about her sister in the end? Still vexed at her or understanding about the choices she made for HER & her needs?

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Dreamland (129-198)

The next section begins with Caitlin hanging out with Corinna at Corinna’s apartment. As usual, the two of them are enjoying themselves by smoking pot. Meanwhile, she’s getting used to the lifestyle of feeling rebellious and doing everything possible that differentiates her away from her sister. That particular day, she is supposed to meet Rogerson at four thirty. Therefore, after she finishes her time at Corinna’s house, she sets out to go back home to meet up with Rogerson. While driving back, she notices her friend Rina in the car. Rina looks very upset and she’s bawling her eyes out which makes Caitlin conclude that something is definitely wrong. Eventually, Caitlin talks with Rina to find out what is wrong with her. Rina tells her that her boyfriend Bill caught her kissing with another guy at the shopping mall. She particularly finds herself upset because Bill’s entire family was there – his grandmother, aunty, parents, and siblings. While they continue having a conversation, all Caitlin keeps thinking about is meeting up with Rogerson and how angry he is going to be since he never exercises patience with anybody.

When Caitlin returns back to her home, the whole family is supposed to go to a sports ceremony at her school. While she’s there as a cheerleader, Rogerson walks in at the back door. The whole entire time, her attention is centered to him. The ceremony ends far later on and she apologizes for the ceremony being so long. He then questions her about where she was and his constant reply was “whatever”. Just at the point when Caitlin thinks everything is alright, she tells him not to be such a big baby. He then strikes her by slapping her face and tells her to never say that again. She then holds her face in dismay for what her boyfriend has just done. They go to McDonalds, as they do every day to eat some food. There, he acts like nothing happened and everything is normal. Afterwards, he drives her back to her house and there, he kisses her harder than ever and tells her that he loves her for the first time ever. She’s still very shocked so she replies by saying okay even though he did leave a noticeable bruise on her face. Shortly after she gets home, she drives to Applebee’s to see Corinna. Corinna then asks what happened and like Caitlin did with her parents and Boo, she lies.

Cass calls back home. Her mother is very relieved that she has called and even insists that they have forgiven her and all. She talks about everything – her job, how she misses her family, her boyfriend, and just her life at this point in her life. However, the only thing that she neglects to talk about is Yale and where her life goes from now without any substantial education.  

Quote: 

"But I couldn't tell her. I couldn't tell anyone. As long as I didn't say it aloud, it wasn't real." (Dessen 171)

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This makes me feel really sorry for her because she is misleading herself by continuously telling herself that what happened wasn't real and she would get through it. She can't tell her best friend, her mother, her sister, or anyone really for that matters. My aunty once told me there was a syndrome where women who were being physically abused by their partner would get back in the relationship with the partner because she feels that she can't live/survive without him. Many times women who are being abused don't leave her their spouse because they feel that they won't be able to survive financial wise. However, in this case, Caitlin is a sixteen year old girl so the only people she needs to depend on financially are her parents. Therefore, I feel that she continuously is returning back to Rogerson because he is so rebellious and she wants to differentiate herself entirely from her sister Cass. At this point, it's not healthy what she is doing to herself by misleading herself. It can only hurt her and if she continues, the ending won't be very nice.

Questions:

Were there some signs leading up to Rogerson's anger/abuse? Possibly they discussed that his father is abusive towards the mother or vice versa? (The father seemed really strict and almost angry whenever he talks to Rogerson, maybe that is a sign Sarah Dessen used to hint the readers that Rogerson also has those issues)

Is she afraid that her parents will get Rogerson in trouble if she tells them what he has been doing?

Does she want to stay in the relationship because it is an easy access to drugs...has she become an addict yet?

Why does she love someone who abuses her? Can't she do better or get someone else who will treat her right?

Does she need her sister back in her life to guide her or is it better for her to grow on her own without any guidance from her sibling?

Dreamland (87-128)

Summary
As Caitlin's relationship progresses with the bad boy Rogerson, she is beginning to learn more and more about herself. Although he's not the type of guy who takes her out on an actual date per se, that is not what she desires. She does miss that life style sometimes, a simple guy taking his girlfriend out on a date, but thinks that Rogerson is the guy that she is destined to be with. One day after school, Rogerson drives to Caitlin's school to pick her up from school. When he gets there and they are together, people start staring which makes Caitlin awfully uncomfortable. However, he questions why she cares and calls her classmates and friends "a bunch of idiots". On the other hand, Caitlin's mother is still paranoid with the disappearance of Cass. She thinks its her fault and has even gone to the extent of writing her numerous letters and calling the TV show. However, there has not yet been a response from Cass. Her mum does believe that Cass calls sometimes but doesn't say anything, just breathing.

The next day when Caitlin returns to school, she has a little chat with Mike. Mike asks her what happened the other day and he thought that she had a thing for him. He then gets more serious and starts saying people are gossiping about Caitlin even the cheerleaders. Caitlin thinks that's the least of her possibilities and then attempts to walk away but is grabbed in the hands by Mike. He warns her about Rogerson saying he is dangerous and that isn't her type. Eventually Rogerson comes out and Caitlin rushes to be with him. Instantly, she feels protected which is a feeling she enjoys much. On a Friday night, Caitlin's family are having a weekly Trivia Pursuit's war with Boo and her husband. That is the night when Caitlin is supposed to go out with Rogerson. Her mum thinks that she should invite in Rogerson to meet the family and when she does, Rogerson starts helping them out with the trivia question. How he answers all the question is what Caitlin is still wondering. She later on realizes that he is an extreme perfectionist who gets good grades in school even though he doesn't try.

Another time, Rogerson convinces Caitlin to go out with him somewhere. He receives an A- on an English paper and a 98% on his History exam even though he isn't trying. On the other hand, Caitlin is furiously trying to keep up with balancing her schoolwork and cheerleading. Yet, she is having a difficult time with it. Despite that, he ends up convincing her for them to go out. They visit his friend Corrina who is very much like himself. Although she is much older, she smokes and drinks a lot. There, Caitlin officially smokes for the first time. She then begins to hang out with Corrina more and more. It takes her mind off of Cass and she realizes that they both have a lot in common. However, by hanging out with Corrina, she is introduced to more bad influences in her teenage life.

Quote
"Whenever Rogerson trashed them I didn't know what to say. I wasn't even sure why I'd hung out with them. It had just sort of happened, like everything else in my life. Now, with him, I felt finally like I was making my own choices, living wide awake after being in a dreamworld so long." (Dessen 94)

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This quote out of any other quotes within this section struck out to me. I find it extremely powerful and I feel very satisfied as a reader that she is finding her place in life and is starting to make her own decisions and discover who she is. Although it is not good that her boyfriend is trash talking her friends, he is helping her in many ways to grow up. I guess this proves that sometimes even the worst of people bring out the best in you. I'm not sure why she's not sure why she hangs out with them. Her friends seem like good people even though all they do is gossip and talk about irrelevant things. They are at least good influences. However, they do seem very fake and very pretentious. I guess in the world where she is with her friends, everything is so ideal and perfect. Almost fake, most likely. In the world she shares with Rogerson, everything seems so real and ideal as well. It's not so perfect, it's the actual world she is going to face the rest of her life. That, I'm guessing, is why she likes being with Rogerson so much.

Dreamland (41-86)

Summary
It is Caitlin's first time officially cheerleading in front of people. Her mum's there cheering her on and has a sudden exasperated excitement to the point where she almost appears to be happy. All the cheerleader's names are being called and one by one, they come out. However, when Caitlin is called, someone in the audience is screaming "Cass", the name of her sister. This makes her feel very uneasy because she has not yet overcome her sister's disappearance. When the moves are being formed and Caitlin is on top of the pyramid, the guy is still shouting his sister's name and that makes her feel even more uneasy. She thinks her mind is deceiving her and becomes very perplexed and ends up falling from the pyramid. However, a fellow cheerleader ends up catching her but Caitlin hurts her knee a bit. When that happens, her mum is very worried and she rushes to her daughter's safety.

Caitlin then gets her band aid around her knee. There is a football party later on in the night. Her best friends Kelly and Rina plan on attending it with her. They stop by with Kelly's car to go get some quarters. While there, a cute guy starts talking to her and she finds out that his name is Rogerson. Her friend Kelly thinks he's very good looking while Rina thinks he appears to be dangerous. When the trio arrive at the party, they each go their separate way. Caitlin goes to Mike - a point guard who appears to have a mini crush on him. At the party, she spots Rogerson collecting money for something. When Mike asks her what she's looking at, she says nothing and she's just cold. He then offers to give her his jacket. Suddenly she thinks of her sister and sees herself in the position her sister was in many years ago. She realizes that if she does accept the jacket, she'll be seen as Mike's girl and denies it. Instead, she walks away from the party with Rogerson leaving Mike very angry.She asks Rogerson to drop her home and when he does, they make out in the car for thirty minutes before she goes inside. Although she is not the kind of guy her sister  would go for, she feels somehow a connection/similarity and knows that her sister went through the same.

One afternoon, Caitlin and her mum were watching TV and they end up seeing Cass on TV. Cass is working as an assistant in the crew on a TV show where her boyfriend Adam works at. The mum kneels down in front of the TV and half smiles, very glad that her daughter is alive and well. Caitlin becomes worried because Rogerson hasn't called her back. Eventually, they end up meeting once again. They plan on going out on a date but her parent's are a bit hesitant because they have an idea of what kind of guy he is. When they finally agree to let her go out, he makes one stop before their official stop. She goes with him inside a house where everyone is smoking or drinking. Rogerson then sells a guy his age a bag of pot for $75. The people there then asks Caitlin if she wants some but she decides not to become a subject of peer pressure. After that, they make another stop before finally going on their actual date.

Quote
"When I say you are to be somewhere, you are there. Understood?" (Dessen 85)

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This quote is said by Rogerson's father after he gets into a little trouble. His parents appear to be very strict human beings with probably the best intentions for him in life. The question I really impose on the character is why is he screwing up his life at such an early age? What led to him doing drugs, smoking, and drinking? Sometimes people say that the way a child turns up in life is based on the way his or her parents raised him or her. However, in this situation, it does not appear to be the case. Many times, the child chooses his or her own destiny. The parent can try to raise him or her as much as possible but in the end, it is the child that determines what kind of path he or she chooses. After all, they say you can bring a horse to a stream but you can't force it to drink.

*Most importantly, why could Caitlin want to date him? I know girls like to be with dangerous guys at times but this case is not appropriate. He's a bad boy who does drugs, doesn't seem too good to me...

Dreamland (1-40)

Summary
The book begins with a young girl by the name of Cass running away from home the day of her sister's sixteenth birthday. However, she does leave a present behind and a note for her parents. The note informs her parents not to worry about her and tells them she'll be sure to keep in touch. In addition, it is an apologetic letter because she is aware of how badly her parents will react. The parents do react badly which is perfectly understandable in their situation. Her mum begins weeping and says she has gone to be with "him", the him referring to her twenty-one year old boyfriend. In addition, the mum is extremely saddened because Cass, who is eighteen, is suppose to be moving into Yale University in two weeks. The dad, on the other hand, is more calm and decides to call everyone who knows Cass and where she might be.

Cass's family then informs their neighbours about the devastating disappearance of their family member. Their neighbours share sympathy with them and begins to notice changes in Caitlin, Cass's sister, on the day of her sixteenth birthday. They also observe that she is much quieter than usual but it is all due to the fact of her sister's runaway. About a day or two later, Cass gives her parents a call. The dad answers and queries her about where she is and if she is doing well. Caitlin then picks up the phone on the other line after realizing it is her sister calling. Cass, realizing her sister is on the other line, then apologizes for running away specifically on her birthday. After that, she hands up and the misery in the household once again becomes existent.

Two days later, Caitlin begins a new school year although she has not yet heard from Cass. The mum is still taking it very harshly as she kept Cass's room shut. She is very involved in Cass's activities as if it is Cass herself. The father is then doing what most men will do. Men are not as emotional as women are and the father kept himself at work. He works long hours in other to deviate the pain off of his mind. While in school, Rina, Caitlin's best friends convinces Caitlin to try out for cheerleading. She wants her to do that because it is one thing Cass never did while in school. However, Caitlin argues she never did it because she was an athlete and cheerleading is not a sport.

Everything seems to go back to normal when Caitlin makes the cheerleading team. Her mother goes back to dressing normally once again and finally finds out about her making the cheerleading team. She then suddenly becomes very excited and even says that the two of them should go shopping tomorrow. In addition, she posts her schedule up on the fridge - something she use to do for Cass. When Labour Day is coming up, everyone is deciding whether they should have their annual Labour Day family cookout. The decide to because even if Cass was still with them, she would be in Yale anyways for her freshman orientation. There, mum is laughing with Boo, their neighbour and family friend while dad is talking to Boo's husband. Boo's husband then mentions if it does help, he took away Boo from her family when she was only eighteen. He ended up taking good care of her even though her family was very worried and traumatized. The father gives him a gentle nod and only hopes the same for his daughter and her boyfriend.

Quote
"My mother kept Cass's bedroom shut, with all of her Yale stuff piled up on the bed, waiting for her. I was the only one who ever went up there, and when I did the air always smelled stale and strange, pent up like the sorrow my mother carried in her shoulders, her heart, and her face." (Dessen 25)

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This quote is honestly beautifully written with a good sense of imagery, simile, and personification. It also conveys a large sense of emotion the mother must be feeling and facing in her life as her first daughter has run away from home weeks before she is supposed to attend Yale University. The mother must be thinking where she went wrong and why did the daughter do this without informing anyone. Perhaps she is thinking did she raise her right and is there something wrong with her daughter. There is imagery where the author describes the smell of the air as stale and strange. Then, there is simile when it is comparing it to the sorrow the mother carried on her shoulders. The mother is absolutely going through a lot and she is very worried. I feel like I am carrying the emotions with her and I am thinking about how my mum would react if I was in a similar situation - horrified, like this mother.

I'm wondering why did she decide to leave on the day of her sister's birthday? That seems very harsh especially if she cares about her sister, the least she could do is wait a few days, she still has time. Did she act impetuously or is she thinking about the long run too? Is is something she has been planning for a long time or is it just something that came up? Who suggested it? Her boyfriend or she? I am guessing it was her boyfriend...

Post #2 (41-85)

Mr. Bennet makes his wife aware that there is a wealthy guy who will eventually inherit their property. When they meet up with the guy, the guy seems a little cocky because he's bragging/boasting about how one day the house will be his. The man who is about to inherit the property, Mr. Collins then acclaims that he is searching for a wife. Mrs. Bennet, being the woman she is, is attracted by his large fortune and wealth. However, she says that Jane is engaged after the guy takes upon a little interest in her. However, he casts his eyes upon Elizabeth instead. When Mr. Bingley invites the whole neighborhood to the ball, Elizabeth promises to dance the first two dances with Mr. Collins even though she has no particular interest in him. Instead, she is interested in another man called Wickham who she was hoping to dance with instead of Mr. Collins but is given no choice.

Elizabeth discovers that Wickham did not show up to the ball at all. Because of that, she becomes very moody during the entire event. The event ends with a little bit more drama with Miss Bingley, the sister of Mr. Bingley warning Elizabeth about Wickham and specifically advising her not to trust in him anything he says. The next day, Mr. Collins proposes to Elizabeth because he believes that she loves him as he loves her. However, he turns down his offer in a very kind manner but Mr. Collins still believes that she loves him. On the other hand, Mrs. Bennet is very furious that her daughter declined the offer from a very wealthy man. Mrs. Bennet refuses to see Elizabeth unless she marries Mr. Collins. She then asks Mr. Bennet to ensure that their daughter marries the man. However, the father is indifferent about the whole thing and doesn't take it so seriously. Later on, Mr. Collins proposes to a good friend of Elizabeth who does accept the offer. Mrs. Bennet becomes very angry that another woman is stealing the wealthy husband that could have been her daughter's husband.

Quote:

"The discussion of Mr. Collins's offer was now nearly at an end, and Elizabeth had only to suffer from the uncomfortable feelings necessarily attending it, and occasionally from some peevish allusion of her mother." (Austen 79)

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In this quote, it allows me as a reader to allude that during those days, there must have been marriages that were set up. In other words, there must have been many arranged marriages. It seems as if the parents wanted their children to go specifically for the wealthy guy, as Mrs. Bennet has been pressuring her daughter to do so. It also leads me to wonder why specifically does Mrs. Bennet want her child to marry a wealthy guy? Is she unhappy because her husband is not so wealthy so she would wish for her child to be happy with a wealthy man? Does she think that money equals happiness? I'm also wondering if other women during this era were as forceful. It really seems as if she doesn't necessarily care about who her child would be happy with. She just wants the wealthiest guy around for Elizabeth to be with.
*Also, did marriages during these days last? Were divorces common or rare? It seems like characters in this book don't date- they just jump into marriages instead.

Pride and Prejudice (1-50)

Summary:

The chapter begins with a husband and wife casually chit chatting. In their society, it is kind of a decorum that a single man who is in possession of wealth to seek a wife if he does not already have one. Mr. Bennet's wife tells him that her friend, Mrs. Long previously told her that Netherfield was bought by a young man who has a large fortune from the north of England. Then, Mrs. Bennet tells her husband that the young man will be a perfect husband for one of their daughters. She also says that he might fall in love with one of them and that Mr. Bennet should visit him as soon as the young man arrives in town. Then, she says she will mention her daughter Lizzy when she meets the guy. Apparently, Lizzy is Mrs. Bennet's favourite daughter which is why she wants her to marry the man.

Mr. Bennet appears to be indifferent pertaining to one of his daughters marrying the wealthy young man. However, he secretly meets the man without letting anyone in his family know about it. Eventually, Mr. Bennet tells his family he met the man and they become very excited and begin to question him about what went on. Later on in the town, there is a special ball that is held. Every daughter in the Bennet family attends the ball in the hopes of capturing the attention of the man. Jane, the most senior daughter, dances a couple of times with Mr. Bingley, the young man. Mr. Bingley then tells his friend what he thinks about Jane which shows that he is interested in her because he calls her "the most beautiful creature".

When the Bennet sisters get home, Elizabeth, one of the daughters, and Jane, the other daughter begin sharing their experiences of the night. Jane reveals to Elizabeth that she danced with Mr. Bingley twice throughout the night. Elizabeth, not necessarily sounding jealous, tells Jane that she is very beautiful and it appears that she is not necessarily aware of how beautiful she is. The next morning, Charlotte who is Elizabeth's best friend reveals that she too danced with Mr. Bingley. The conversation then leads them to discussing Mr. Darcy, who is Mr. Bingley's best friend. Unlike Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy is very sour and has a very difficult time liking people. Everyone then agrees that Mr. Darcy isn't amiable at all and they're not interested in him.

Mr. Bingley's sisters visit the Bennets in the hopes of befriending Elizabeth and Jane. However, Elizabeth believes that Jane is in love with Mr. Bingley but is keeping all her thoughts and feelings to herself. Meanwhile, a shocking truth is revealed. Mr. Darcy suddenly takes a strong interest in Elizabeth even though he was not interested in her at all in the beginning of the book.

A note is sent to Jane, inviting her to spend sometime in the Netherfield Park. However, it rains and circumstances forces her to stay at the Bingley's household. Her sister, Elizabeth then visits her at Mr. Bingley's place. Unfortunately, the Bingley sisters criticize the Bennets because of their social status in the town and their lack of wealth. Jane eventually gets fed up with staying in the house and sends for her mother to send them a carriage to come home. However, Mrs. Bennet being the kind of mother she is and strongly wishing for one of her daughters to marry a wealthy guy does not send a carriage. Instead, Jane borrows Mr. Bingley's carriage. Although Mr. Darcy was very interested in Elizabeth, he was interested in her for reasons that he should not have been and is very glad when the two of them depart from his household.

Quote:

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife" (Austen 1)

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When I first saw this quote, I thought..."British!". It sounds unbelievably formal and so very smooth. It is the first line of the book so it does set up the scenario of what the book will be about and the plot. However, as I read the book, I kept the quote at the back of my mind. At certain parts of the book, there are some sexism which makes sense because it was in England around the last 1800s and early 1900s. There is also separation of class because the Bennets are constantly being mocked by the Bingleys because they do not possess as much money as them. In addition, I feel like there might be a sense of decorum within this society. In the quote, it reveals that a single man that has a lot of money must be seeking a wife. Why can't the guy just stay single and spend all his money? Or perhaps he can just donate a portion of his money to charity and just do good? Therefore, I feel like there is a duty that men have to follow/live up to, specifically a wealthy, young man in this situation.

Blog Post #5 (232-273)

Summary
In the final sections of the novel, Susanna encounters a new and challenging obstacle in her life: motherhood. She gives birth to a son she names Daniel. Initially, she has no idea how to connect with her son whatsoever. She also has a difficult time figuring out how to touch and hold him in a loving manner. Because of her sexual past, she believes she might just naturally touch him in a terrible, sexual way he will remember forever. Therefore, she becomes cautious of how she treats her little one.

A few weeks after Susy has the baby, she realizes that she is suffering because of an emptiness deep within. She is in need of a motherly figure in her life. She then contacts her mother in law to visit her. When Daphne finds out she chooses the mother in law instead of her, she feels very hurt and betrayed. However, a few months later, she is granted the right to visit her grandson. When that happens, Susy is very cautious of her mother and where her mum places her hands on her son's body.

Years later, Susy becomes the mother of a new baby boy. Her first son becomes even more connected to her as he seeks hugs from her in the middle of the night. Years go by and Susy contacts all her old friends, guys that he mother claim to have slept with. During this period, she hears the guy's perspectives of what occurred many years ago. She discovers that her mother has been lying to her all this while about sleeping with the guys. Of course, Susy is not surprised as the lie is not an unprecedented act.

As the book comes to a conclusion, Susy writes about a few more instances when she was younger. There is a time when she is about nine years old and her mother had several seizures along her bedside. Susy is very frightened that the mum was going to die. Despite that, she did not. Throughout her life, she never told her mother about that particular instance.

After sharing an autobiography of her life experiences, the reader discovers that she actually never goes to see her mother in the hospital. She simply could not convince herself to.

Quote
"In the morning, before light, first one boy then the other will climb into the bed, seeking our rituals. Jack will plant tiny kisses along my arm. I'll feel Daniel's mangy curls. We will batten down their flying limbs so as not to be jabbed too much. We will be laughing." (Sonnenberg 273)

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I definitely feel like in this quote, it was a big turning point in Susy's life. Up until now, her life has been lived negatively with her and people around her performing bad acts. However, right now, she is a new person. She's a true mother and she is trying her best to not be anything like her mother. For that, she should be commended because she is showing her kids good love that she never had as a child. This is her present life and I as a reader feel very happy for her because she's happy :)


Question:
Does she regret everything that has happened in her life?

Roar Post #4 (176-232)

Summary

Susanna Sonnenberg begins this "Going Straight" chapter as a more matured adult who meets an English guy visiting from London. They have an instant connection when they first meet. Although they don't know each other well, he tells her everything. Eventually, he tells her that he has fallen in love with her. When Daphne visits and goes out to dinner with Susy and her boyfriend Gordon, she embarrasses Susy. She tells Gordon that he "must be good in bed" (Sonnenberg 178) because Susy would not date him otherwise. This comment taints Susy and Daphne's relationship even more because they end up not talking for a while.

A year later, Susy and Gordon are living together in an apartment in New York, as they have been for the past year. Gordon's feelings for Susy has changed and they begin to drift far apart. Little things about Susy suddenly begins to annoy him and he becomes extremely private and secretive towards her. One night after they sleep together, he tells her he doesn't love her anymore. Later on, he dumps her and then becomes interested in someone else.

Regardless of the harsh breakup Susy faces, it results in bringing her much closer to her mother. Susy visits Daphne in Barbados, where she now lives with her new husband. There, Susy is told by her mother that she has a lump in her breast.

After the break up, Susy enters a point in her life where all she wants to do is to sleep with anyone she could possible lay her hands on. One day, she encounters an old acquaintance who is a woman. She is very attracted to this particular woman and desperately wishes to kiss her. Another day, she goes out to a restaurant with the woman and the woman's boyfriend. The three of them become drunk and go back to their apartment. They all have a threesome but Susy would have preferred it if it is just her and the woman.

When Susy is twenty seven years old living in Montana, she begins to write a novel about her mother. In addition, at this stage in her life is where her life changes. She meets the love of her life and her present husband. At first, she is thinking she has never met a man like him. She finds him to be very different and surely unlike the type she usually goes for. Regardless, she knows at the particular point that he is the one made for her and all she wants to do is to be with him. She then attempts to seduce him many times. He never becomes submissive despite her trials. Two weeks alter, he feels ready and they do it.

Soon after, the couple elope without an official ceremony. Daphne and Penelope are extremely disappointed that she never involves them with her marriage. While they are married, their well-loved dog, Ruby, dies. They both love him as if she is their own child. After the death of the dog, Susy discovers that she is pregnant. However, miscarriages run in her family. Likewise, it happens to her.

Susy and Christopher are a very happy couple living together in an apartment in Montana. Susy is a waitress while Christopher works in a legal firm. Once again, she becomes pregnant. She is left with the decision to either keep the baby, to kill the baby, or to give up the baby for adoption. Because she is married, her husband has to be involved with the decision as well. Her tells her that he is not quite ready or prepared to have a kid just yet. She then goes through with an abortion. After, she faces normal issues many women face after abortion: depression and guilt. She decides she wants to make an impact on women who are put in the same shoes so she becomes a counselor for women who have had an abortion or are considering it.

When Christopher is finally ready for kids, he tells Susy. This chapter, "Choosing" ends with Susy saying that she tells her children about the abortion. In addition to talking to her children about varieties of topics, she shows them the tender love a good mother should show to her child. As much as possible, she tries to refrain from doing onto her children what her mother did onto her. By doing so, her biggest goal is to be a GOOD parent.

Quote 


"Sometimes I didn't make it to the first date. The deli owner turned over the Closed sign , and we had sex on the counter, my bare skin on butcher block. I seduced an Orthodox rabbi. I left a Paris restaurant with two brothers, and the put me in their car and drove me deep into a part of the city I didn't know." (Sonnenberg 188)

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In this one quote, I realize that Susy is becoming her mother. Earlier in the book, Susy says her mom slept with everyone - from janitors to business men to actors. In this quote, as she is much older, she sleeps with a deli owner, Orthodox rabbi, and even random strangers. I feel like it's not something that she wants to do or is trying to do but it's just something she knows and is use to. Often times, kids pick up on the habits of their parents. Sleeping with multiple people is the habit of Susy's mother so it's a habit Susy picks up on because she doesn't know any better. She might not even know it's a wrong thing to do. Here you have her mother, who is suppose to be her role model and the leading lady in her life performing all these bad acts. What do you expect the daughter to do? The same thing. She doesn't know the other side: the moral side.

• What was Penelope's experience throughout the stages of Susy's life? Did her mother treat her the same way like she treated Susy? Did she go through the same difficult time with her mum?
• Was Daphne's mother like this as well?
• At the time, did Susy know that what her mother was doing wasn't right?
• Did she realize she was becoming her mother?

Her Last Death: A Memoir (106-176)

Summary

The chapter, First Time opens up with big events in Susy’s life. Daphne purchases a house while Susy starts junior year at her boarding school. Susy gets her driver’s license because it is her sixteenth birthday. To celebrate, her mom takes her to the bar with her sister while they’re all wearing revealing clothes. She is given a few thoughtful gifts by her mother, such as, a pen and diary to aid with her writing. She also gives her a while packet which she can snort coke with. There, Daphne tells Susy that a guy Theo fancies her and she will try to bring him to their home. Daphne and Theo end up coming home very late while Susy and Penelope are still asleep. Susy then wakes up only to hear sounds and she discovers that the two slept together. Suddenly, she feels betrayed by her mother because she has a crush on Theo.

The next day, her sister and she move in to a new boarding school. She meets one of her teachers, Dr. Crawford and she develops a huge crush on him. Dr. Crawford, who is twice her age and has been married for twelve years, finds out about the crush and addresses it to Susy. He states that he is happy in his marriage and encourages her to date lots of boys her own age. Later in the chapter, Susy comes home only to encounter an old friend, Lincoln. The two hand out together and she almost loses her virginity to him. She is ready to lose it but he couldn’t go trough with it and that leaves her disappointed. She does lie to her mother, however, by saying she lost it that night to him.

In the next chapter Counterfeit, Susy transitions to adulthood in many ways.  Dr. Crawford ends up kissing her because he couldn’t resist the temptation. The two of them also sleep together on the floor of his house for the first time ever while his wife is away. When she comes home, they act as if nothing happened previously tat day. They sleep together three more times before he tells her not to record what they do in her diary or anyone otherwise he might lose his job.

Susy and her mother set out to Mexico for vacation. There, they engage in a big argument and Susy leaves their hotel. After she leaves, she encounters a guy who has an opportunity to rape her. All Susy wishes for, however, is for her mother to show some care and concern towards her. When the two of them go back to the USA, Daphne acts as if she knows nothing of the incident. They never speak about how Susy went disappearing for three days and where she was.

Susy goes back to her boarding school. Still, she spends a great deal of time with Wyatt (Dr. Crawfod) and that leaves his wife concerned that they spend too much time together. They do everything in secret, messing around, sleeping together, and performing inappropriate acts. The day that Daphne is coming to campus to visit, Susy agrees

 to give Wyatt her diary for him to hide in his garage so the mom would never find out. Later in the chapter, Susy is now a senior in high school. She and Wyatt more than ever now feel and act like a real couple. Regardless, out of guilty conscience, Wyatt reveals to his wife about the affair he has been having with his student. The wife feels very disappointed but Wyatt says to Susy that she allows them to continue the affair anyway. Susy also confides her secrets to her friend Jane. Jane’s advice to her is to be careful and that leaves Susy wondering what exactly she means by that.

Susy begins her freshman year at a college. There, she starts seeing a new guy, Jason and very soon, she drops all contact she has with Wyatt. She also tells her mother what has been going on for the past few years. This conversation with her mother makes it seem as if they share a common ground and leaves them talking on the phone for hours. Despite the initial praise towards her daughter, Daphne calls Susy back and tells her she does not believe her.

It is parent’s weekend in Susy’s college. Daphne visits her college and decides to take Amy, Susy’s roommate, to Planned Parenthood. Susy thinks that her mom is only doing such to avoid spending time with her. When Amy’s parents come and meet Daphne, Daphne embarrasses their daughter to the point that she moves out and never speaks a word to Susy again.

Susy and a new guy, Noah, begin dating shortly. However, she has a problem with him lying and gambling all the time. Therefore, she decides to sleep with another guy and she continues doing so in their relationship. She then proposes to him and his response is “Yeah, sure” (Sonnenberg 170). She does all the necessary things a bride would do, such as searching for a dress and making serious preparation for the ring. Shortly, she changes her mind and calls off the wedding then breaks up with Wyatt. Later on, she finds out that Wyatt has cancer and will soon die.

Quotes

"Losing your virginity" was a phrase all over our house, a companion as regular as another sister. This thing had to happen. That would happen." (Sonnenberg 106)

"Listen, darling. You can't just go jumping into bed with anyone who asks you. I know Lincoln's speacial, and I always knew he'd be your first, but you have to behave like a lady. Otherwise you'll get a reputation". I stared at her. She went to her room, forgetting the fire, and I picked up my diary and struck the same notes of indignation any teenager would." (Sonnenberg 117)

"Even with my meticulous diary pages open before me, I felt crazy, unnerved, as if my life had vanished. My eyes moved over words, but my mother could rewrite anything." (Sonnenberg 149)

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The first quote struck out to me because not only is it the first line couple of lines I read but it reminds me of the short story, The Jacket. In the short story, the narrator complains that the jacket is like an ugly brother that follows him everywhere. In this quote, although Susy is only talking about a phrase that is commonly said in her household, she compares it to being as regular as a sister and just something she is use to and has to put up with. 

In the second quote, I see the mother as a big hypocrite. She is telling Susy that she must conduct herself as a lady when she does not. You should only advice someone when you abide by the same advice or can at least follow your own advice. The mother clearly never behaves like a lady so why is she telling her daughter to? Is she telling her to because she does not want her to end up like her or she isn't aware that what she is doing goes against her advice? Regardless of what the mother said, I think this quote was beautifully written, especially the last line. I love the vocabulary the author uses (indignation). I also feel as if her present life now is far different than what it was before. Perhaps it's because she's attending boarding school now but when she use to live with Daphne, she was doing grown up things and growing up very quickly. Now, at this stage, she's writing with a diary and it shows that she's somewhat similar to all other teenage girls because many keep diaries.

The final quote, to me, shows the power Daphne has over Susy. Although Susy KNOWS all that happened with Wyatt and all, a few words her mother tells her leaves her confused and she starts questioning whether it actually happened or is her brain just making everything up? Even though Susy is far from her mother, she still has that control over her and can easily make her feel vulnerable. I also love the last phrase in the last line where she says her mother could rewrite anything. It means that no matter where in the world she is, her mother can rewrite anything, or leave her speechless, oblivious to the previous events that have taken place.

**Questions

• Why didn't Daphne believe Susy when she tells her about everything that happened with Wyatt? Did she feel a sense of jealousy/rage?
• Were people suspicious that they were spending TOO much time together?
• What were her grades like? When she wasn't with Wyatt, she was thinking about him so did she get good grades?
• Did Wyatt's wife actually let him continue the affair or he lied about that?
• Did their marriage even last?
• Is Susy religious at all?
• Did she ever want to stop what she was doing? 
• Now that she's married, does she regret destroying/being a barrier in a marriage?
• Did she ever stop to think...wait, I'm turning into my mother?

Her Last Death, Summary #2 50-106

Summary

At this point in the book, Susy is a twelve year old girl who is celebrating her birthday in Venice, Italy. There, her mother makes unnecessary comments claiming that Givenchy, a famous man, is following her because he sits nearby their table. Also, she decides to take a few sips of a sweet drink and then her mother accuses her of being drunk.

Later on, more issues are revealed in the memoir that the readers did not know about previously. Her mother, Daphne, has a very bad back pain which has resulted in numerous back surgeries and medications. She also is in a conflict with her ex parents-in-law because they do not believe she should have left their son. Susy through her memoir reveals the internal struggles her mother battles with. For example, Daphne wants to commit suicide, however, does not because of the promises she makes to her children.

Daphne decides that she needs to move in order to get away from all the drama that has been occurring around her. She moves to New Mexico with her other daughter, Penelope. However, Susy does not want to move with them so she decides to live at her friend’s house. There, her mother calls her each night and is curious to learn about her feelings and thoughts. One day, she feels very homesick and visits her old apartment. When she does, she discovers that she very much misses her mother because she realizes her mother cares very much for her and makes her feel, “interesting, different, magical” (Sonnenberg 62). Her apartment symbolizes he old memories which have been left behind.

Soon after Susy moves in with her mother, she encounters her mother’s rage and signs of her mother’s insecurities appear. For example, her mom accuses her of wanting to steal her boyfriend then advices her to go find her own. She also advises Susy not to sleep with anyone this summer even though Susy is only twelve years old.

In another point in the book, Susy states that her mother dresses them up so they can appeal to men. Like many other girls growing up, she has a crush on a man who is much older but ends up inviting her to his house to make dinner for her. While she is worried about what might happen, Daphne agrees to it. It leads the reader to question what kind of mother is this?

It appears to be that Daphne shows favoritism towards Penelope. Susy is working in a theatre where Penelope is auditioning for acting. However, Daphne mistakes it that Susy wants to invade her sister’s territory. She then physically abuses Susy by punching her stomach which makes her hate her mother more than ever.

Susy decides to apply to boarding school to get away from all the drama. A lot of crazy things then happen when she moves into her boarding room. To “break in” the bed, Daphne sleeps with a guy who is only 19 years old. She also finds out that her old crush, Justin, who is about 18 years old moves into their house because the mother is dating him. This leaves her feeling a little oblivious.

In the final chapter, “Assault”, Daphne gets her first kiss and a French kiss from a student at her school who is a senior. The kiss mesmerizes her mind and it leaves her wanting more kisses. They date only for about a day before he decides to break up with her. After the breakup, she likes a guy called Hammond who then assaults her but her mind convinces her that it’s only a prank. She tells her mom what happened because they are extremely close when it comes to talking about boys and relationships and her mom threatens to press charges. Later on in the book, Susy’s father marries a woman named Katy who Susy appears to like. She shares things with her, like when Susy’s mother faces almost death when she mixes cocaine with water. The chapter ends with Susy and her English teacher going out to eat at IHOP. He tells her that it’s amazing because even though he’s fifty, he has no striking life experiences and she’s only fifteen with the world to tell.

Quotes

"At home I guided my sister from toothbrush to hairbrush, tugged her tights on, scheduled our dental checkups, thawed pears, scrambled eggs. I'd been doing these things since I was eight. I turned off the television when we'd watched enough. But at Marcy's, at any of my friends' houses, I didn't have to do anything but wash my hands before dinner." (Sonnenberg 60).

"She yanked my wrist up. Her party was gone, her bright fuzz gone out, and I felt the threat of oh no. Her lips whitened around the edges. "You keep your hands off my man. You want a man? Go find your own!" She released my arm, and the skin stung from her grip." (Sonnenberg 64)

Reaction

These quotes are somehow related to each other but it demonstrates the reverse role between the mother and the daughter. The responsibilities and actions the mother should be doing is done by the child and the action the mother is childish. However, in this case, it is the other way around. Susy is doing everything-from cooking to booking dental appointments to making sure she and her sister receive enough sleep at night. Despite the fact that she is taking on adult responsibility, she notices that at other kid's houses, she's comfortable and can act like a child. The mother in the second quote appears to be very insecure and childish, keep in mind that Susy at this point is only twelve years old. Daphne believes that her twelve year old daughter is attempting to steal her "man". Therefore, she demonstrates a trait of insecurity, a trait that is mostly present in adolescents as they are growing up. I mean, adults can be insecure at times but you would think they would be insecure about others reasons, not worrying about whether their daughter will steal their boyfriend or not. Usually, it is teenagers who might worry about whether their prettier friend or sister might steal their boyfriend so its funny to see her adult mom acting in this manner. It also goes to show that her mom sees her differently than reality. In reality, Susy is only twelve but in her mom's eyes, she's just a younger sister  who is an adult.

I really feel compassionate towards Susy because she is going through so much that someone her age should not be going through. She's facing a tough time that is not fair to her and can be damaging to a child psychologically.

I also like the format/style that the author uses in the last quote. She uses a few punctuation mark in order to make the readers aware of everything that is going on. For example, she italicized "keep" in order to emphasize on the mother's tone in that particular scene. She also uses an exclamation mark after "Go find your own" to show that she means business and she is very furious.

****Questions

• If Susy could change something about her past, would she wish to have a different mother? Like, would she trade in her mother for a, perhaps, better one?
• I'm wondering why didn't the father even have custody over the children?
• Does she regret growing up quickly or did it teach her a lot about life? It clearly influenced her life now, as an author
• Did she get along with her sister back then?
• Was the incident with Hammond actually a prank or was it really an assault?
• It doesn't mention her crying a lot back then so I'm wondering did she cry a lot or she learned to live with it/believed crying wouldn't change a thing?

Her Last Death: A Memoir (1-50)

Summary

Her Last Death: A Memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg is an autobiography in which the author reflects about her life experiences and growing up with a troubled mother. The memoir begins in present day where Susanna, otherwise known as Susy, is a thirty seven year old married woman raising her young sons in the state of Montana. She is just living the simple life when she unprecedentedly receives a call from her Aunty Irene calls her to inform her that her mother has been in a car accident and is living in critical conditions in the hospital. Although she finds this news stunning, she is not surprised to hear that her mother has been hooking up with the doctor (Sonnenberg 1). Susy has not been in contact with her mother for a while now and is having internal conflicts pertaining to whether she should visit her mother in Barbados or not. It seems as if her mind is telling her she should go but her heart tells her it's best not to. Therefore, it leaves her questioning, should she trust her mind or her heart? It also leaves her wondering if she should do what would be considered the right thing or if she should do what is right for her.

Soon after Susy finishes her telephones conversation with her sister Penelope, she commences to excruciating flashbacks. At the age of eight, she is forced to mature quicker than most people her age. She takes care of her sister and listens attentively as her mother introduces her to a whole different world. She is introduced to a world of drugs, sex, and unnecessary lies. She watches her mother move on from men to men, some who are cab drivers, bartenders, movie stars, her mom did not care who she slept with. However, it is not only her mother who lacks to protect her and give her the tender, caring love and protection she needs as a child.

The author's father, who is divorced from the mother seems to have problems, as well. For example, Susy and her father went to the movies and there was a strange man sitting next to Susy. The man begins to touch her which makes her feel a little queasy. She tries to inform her father despite the fact she is frightened to disturb him from the movie. However, her father has this simplistic attitude that she should handle matters on her own or simply let it be. He henceforth fails to provide her the protection and guidance she needs. In addition, a little while later, her father interrogates her with utterly inappropriate questions. He asks her questions like, "Do you masturbate?" (Sonnenberg 35) and such along those lines. Clearly, Susy's parents must see her as a grown up in their eyes. I mean, what kind of parent exposes their child to this kind of sexual behaviour?

Quotes

"If I speak, I'll say, "Do I have to go?" So I mustn't open my mouth. I try to think what other people say in this situation. I'm afraid my mother will die. I'm afraid she won't. (Sonnenberg 2)

"Penelope, I stop her. For two days I've tasted nothing but contradiction. Should, can't, will, mustn't." (Sonnenberg 11)

Reaction

Although these particular quotes do not contain similes, metaphors, personification, and so on, I found these two quotes to be extremely powerful. Susy is clearly having conflict describing what people think she should do or what really she should do. The difference between the two is her family members all think she should be there supporting her mother but her heart is telling her that it is not the right thing for herself because of all her mother has put her through. In fact, she is even ashamed to tell her sons about their grandmother. 

In addition, I feel touched by these two quotes and it makes me to question the severity of the experiences Susy has faced for her to be saying that she's scared whether her mother dies but she's also scared at the same time if she does not. It also leaves me wondering, does she still love her mother? And if she does, is her love not enough for her to visit her ONE last time? I'm also curious to know whether the mother truly loves her daughter and if she just seemed troubled because of a psychological issue or maybe her childhood. 

Also, these quotes, in a sense, make me understand the title of the story a little bit better. I'm guessing that the author titled this "Her Last Death" because abstractly, she has watched her mother "die" a little over the years. Whether it means dying in the sense that drugs and sex caused her not to be herself or the lies she told her daughters. Overall, I feel sympathetic with Susy. She went through so much during her childhood and although I can't relate to her based on her life descriptions, I know what it feels like to have a troubled childhood.

This story is just too good so far and I'm curious to know even more as time comes!