Blog Post #5 (232-273)

Summary
In the final sections of the novel, Susanna encounters a new and challenging obstacle in her life: motherhood. She gives birth to a son she names Daniel. Initially, she has no idea how to connect with her son whatsoever. She also has a difficult time figuring out how to touch and hold him in a loving manner. Because of her sexual past, she believes she might just naturally touch him in a terrible, sexual way he will remember forever. Therefore, she becomes cautious of how she treats her little one.

A few weeks after Susy has the baby, she realizes that she is suffering because of an emptiness deep within. She is in need of a motherly figure in her life. She then contacts her mother in law to visit her. When Daphne finds out she chooses the mother in law instead of her, she feels very hurt and betrayed. However, a few months later, she is granted the right to visit her grandson. When that happens, Susy is very cautious of her mother and where her mum places her hands on her son's body.

Years later, Susy becomes the mother of a new baby boy. Her first son becomes even more connected to her as he seeks hugs from her in the middle of the night. Years go by and Susy contacts all her old friends, guys that he mother claim to have slept with. During this period, she hears the guy's perspectives of what occurred many years ago. She discovers that her mother has been lying to her all this while about sleeping with the guys. Of course, Susy is not surprised as the lie is not an unprecedented act.

As the book comes to a conclusion, Susy writes about a few more instances when she was younger. There is a time when she is about nine years old and her mother had several seizures along her bedside. Susy is very frightened that the mum was going to die. Despite that, she did not. Throughout her life, she never told her mother about that particular instance.

After sharing an autobiography of her life experiences, the reader discovers that she actually never goes to see her mother in the hospital. She simply could not convince herself to.

Quote
"In the morning, before light, first one boy then the other will climb into the bed, seeking our rituals. Jack will plant tiny kisses along my arm. I'll feel Daniel's mangy curls. We will batten down their flying limbs so as not to be jabbed too much. We will be laughing." (Sonnenberg 273)

Reaction
I definitely feel like in this quote, it was a big turning point in Susy's life. Up until now, her life has been lived negatively with her and people around her performing bad acts. However, right now, she is a new person. She's a true mother and she is trying her best to not be anything like her mother. For that, she should be commended because she is showing her kids good love that she never had as a child. This is her present life and I as a reader feel very happy for her because she's happy :)


Question:
Does she regret everything that has happened in her life?

Roar Post #4 (176-232)

Summary

Susanna Sonnenberg begins this "Going Straight" chapter as a more matured adult who meets an English guy visiting from London. They have an instant connection when they first meet. Although they don't know each other well, he tells her everything. Eventually, he tells her that he has fallen in love with her. When Daphne visits and goes out to dinner with Susy and her boyfriend Gordon, she embarrasses Susy. She tells Gordon that he "must be good in bed" (Sonnenberg 178) because Susy would not date him otherwise. This comment taints Susy and Daphne's relationship even more because they end up not talking for a while.

A year later, Susy and Gordon are living together in an apartment in New York, as they have been for the past year. Gordon's feelings for Susy has changed and they begin to drift far apart. Little things about Susy suddenly begins to annoy him and he becomes extremely private and secretive towards her. One night after they sleep together, he tells her he doesn't love her anymore. Later on, he dumps her and then becomes interested in someone else.

Regardless of the harsh breakup Susy faces, it results in bringing her much closer to her mother. Susy visits Daphne in Barbados, where she now lives with her new husband. There, Susy is told by her mother that she has a lump in her breast.

After the break up, Susy enters a point in her life where all she wants to do is to sleep with anyone she could possible lay her hands on. One day, she encounters an old acquaintance who is a woman. She is very attracted to this particular woman and desperately wishes to kiss her. Another day, she goes out to a restaurant with the woman and the woman's boyfriend. The three of them become drunk and go back to their apartment. They all have a threesome but Susy would have preferred it if it is just her and the woman.

When Susy is twenty seven years old living in Montana, she begins to write a novel about her mother. In addition, at this stage in her life is where her life changes. She meets the love of her life and her present husband. At first, she is thinking she has never met a man like him. She finds him to be very different and surely unlike the type she usually goes for. Regardless, she knows at the particular point that he is the one made for her and all she wants to do is to be with him. She then attempts to seduce him many times. He never becomes submissive despite her trials. Two weeks alter, he feels ready and they do it.

Soon after, the couple elope without an official ceremony. Daphne and Penelope are extremely disappointed that she never involves them with her marriage. While they are married, their well-loved dog, Ruby, dies. They both love him as if she is their own child. After the death of the dog, Susy discovers that she is pregnant. However, miscarriages run in her family. Likewise, it happens to her.

Susy and Christopher are a very happy couple living together in an apartment in Montana. Susy is a waitress while Christopher works in a legal firm. Once again, she becomes pregnant. She is left with the decision to either keep the baby, to kill the baby, or to give up the baby for adoption. Because she is married, her husband has to be involved with the decision as well. Her tells her that he is not quite ready or prepared to have a kid just yet. She then goes through with an abortion. After, she faces normal issues many women face after abortion: depression and guilt. She decides she wants to make an impact on women who are put in the same shoes so she becomes a counselor for women who have had an abortion or are considering it.

When Christopher is finally ready for kids, he tells Susy. This chapter, "Choosing" ends with Susy saying that she tells her children about the abortion. In addition to talking to her children about varieties of topics, she shows them the tender love a good mother should show to her child. As much as possible, she tries to refrain from doing onto her children what her mother did onto her. By doing so, her biggest goal is to be a GOOD parent.

Quote 


"Sometimes I didn't make it to the first date. The deli owner turned over the Closed sign , and we had sex on the counter, my bare skin on butcher block. I seduced an Orthodox rabbi. I left a Paris restaurant with two brothers, and the put me in their car and drove me deep into a part of the city I didn't know." (Sonnenberg 188)

Reaction


In this one quote, I realize that Susy is becoming her mother. Earlier in the book, Susy says her mom slept with everyone - from janitors to business men to actors. In this quote, as she is much older, she sleeps with a deli owner, Orthodox rabbi, and even random strangers. I feel like it's not something that she wants to do or is trying to do but it's just something she knows and is use to. Often times, kids pick up on the habits of their parents. Sleeping with multiple people is the habit of Susy's mother so it's a habit Susy picks up on because she doesn't know any better. She might not even know it's a wrong thing to do. Here you have her mother, who is suppose to be her role model and the leading lady in her life performing all these bad acts. What do you expect the daughter to do? The same thing. She doesn't know the other side: the moral side.

• What was Penelope's experience throughout the stages of Susy's life? Did her mother treat her the same way like she treated Susy? Did she go through the same difficult time with her mum?
• Was Daphne's mother like this as well?
• At the time, did Susy know that what her mother was doing wasn't right?
• Did she realize she was becoming her mother?

Her Last Death: A Memoir (106-176)

Summary

The chapter, First Time opens up with big events in Susy’s life. Daphne purchases a house while Susy starts junior year at her boarding school. Susy gets her driver’s license because it is her sixteenth birthday. To celebrate, her mom takes her to the bar with her sister while they’re all wearing revealing clothes. She is given a few thoughtful gifts by her mother, such as, a pen and diary to aid with her writing. She also gives her a while packet which she can snort coke with. There, Daphne tells Susy that a guy Theo fancies her and she will try to bring him to their home. Daphne and Theo end up coming home very late while Susy and Penelope are still asleep. Susy then wakes up only to hear sounds and she discovers that the two slept together. Suddenly, she feels betrayed by her mother because she has a crush on Theo.

The next day, her sister and she move in to a new boarding school. She meets one of her teachers, Dr. Crawford and she develops a huge crush on him. Dr. Crawford, who is twice her age and has been married for twelve years, finds out about the crush and addresses it to Susy. He states that he is happy in his marriage and encourages her to date lots of boys her own age. Later in the chapter, Susy comes home only to encounter an old friend, Lincoln. The two hand out together and she almost loses her virginity to him. She is ready to lose it but he couldn’t go trough with it and that leaves her disappointed. She does lie to her mother, however, by saying she lost it that night to him.

In the next chapter Counterfeit, Susy transitions to adulthood in many ways.  Dr. Crawford ends up kissing her because he couldn’t resist the temptation. The two of them also sleep together on the floor of his house for the first time ever while his wife is away. When she comes home, they act as if nothing happened previously tat day. They sleep together three more times before he tells her not to record what they do in her diary or anyone otherwise he might lose his job.

Susy and her mother set out to Mexico for vacation. There, they engage in a big argument and Susy leaves their hotel. After she leaves, she encounters a guy who has an opportunity to rape her. All Susy wishes for, however, is for her mother to show some care and concern towards her. When the two of them go back to the USA, Daphne acts as if she knows nothing of the incident. They never speak about how Susy went disappearing for three days and where she was.

Susy goes back to her boarding school. Still, she spends a great deal of time with Wyatt (Dr. Crawfod) and that leaves his wife concerned that they spend too much time together. They do everything in secret, messing around, sleeping together, and performing inappropriate acts. The day that Daphne is coming to campus to visit, Susy agrees

 to give Wyatt her diary for him to hide in his garage so the mom would never find out. Later in the chapter, Susy is now a senior in high school. She and Wyatt more than ever now feel and act like a real couple. Regardless, out of guilty conscience, Wyatt reveals to his wife about the affair he has been having with his student. The wife feels very disappointed but Wyatt says to Susy that she allows them to continue the affair anyway. Susy also confides her secrets to her friend Jane. Jane’s advice to her is to be careful and that leaves Susy wondering what exactly she means by that.

Susy begins her freshman year at a college. There, she starts seeing a new guy, Jason and very soon, she drops all contact she has with Wyatt. She also tells her mother what has been going on for the past few years. This conversation with her mother makes it seem as if they share a common ground and leaves them talking on the phone for hours. Despite the initial praise towards her daughter, Daphne calls Susy back and tells her she does not believe her.

It is parent’s weekend in Susy’s college. Daphne visits her college and decides to take Amy, Susy’s roommate, to Planned Parenthood. Susy thinks that her mom is only doing such to avoid spending time with her. When Amy’s parents come and meet Daphne, Daphne embarrasses their daughter to the point that she moves out and never speaks a word to Susy again.

Susy and a new guy, Noah, begin dating shortly. However, she has a problem with him lying and gambling all the time. Therefore, she decides to sleep with another guy and she continues doing so in their relationship. She then proposes to him and his response is “Yeah, sure” (Sonnenberg 170). She does all the necessary things a bride would do, such as searching for a dress and making serious preparation for the ring. Shortly, she changes her mind and calls off the wedding then breaks up with Wyatt. Later on, she finds out that Wyatt has cancer and will soon die.

Quotes

"Losing your virginity" was a phrase all over our house, a companion as regular as another sister. This thing had to happen. That would happen." (Sonnenberg 106)

"Listen, darling. You can't just go jumping into bed with anyone who asks you. I know Lincoln's speacial, and I always knew he'd be your first, but you have to behave like a lady. Otherwise you'll get a reputation". I stared at her. She went to her room, forgetting the fire, and I picked up my diary and struck the same notes of indignation any teenager would." (Sonnenberg 117)

"Even with my meticulous diary pages open before me, I felt crazy, unnerved, as if my life had vanished. My eyes moved over words, but my mother could rewrite anything." (Sonnenberg 149)

Reaction

The first quote struck out to me because not only is it the first line couple of lines I read but it reminds me of the short story, The Jacket. In the short story, the narrator complains that the jacket is like an ugly brother that follows him everywhere. In this quote, although Susy is only talking about a phrase that is commonly said in her household, she compares it to being as regular as a sister and just something she is use to and has to put up with. 

In the second quote, I see the mother as a big hypocrite. She is telling Susy that she must conduct herself as a lady when she does not. You should only advice someone when you abide by the same advice or can at least follow your own advice. The mother clearly never behaves like a lady so why is she telling her daughter to? Is she telling her to because she does not want her to end up like her or she isn't aware that what she is doing goes against her advice? Regardless of what the mother said, I think this quote was beautifully written, especially the last line. I love the vocabulary the author uses (indignation). I also feel as if her present life now is far different than what it was before. Perhaps it's because she's attending boarding school now but when she use to live with Daphne, she was doing grown up things and growing up very quickly. Now, at this stage, she's writing with a diary and it shows that she's somewhat similar to all other teenage girls because many keep diaries.

The final quote, to me, shows the power Daphne has over Susy. Although Susy KNOWS all that happened with Wyatt and all, a few words her mother tells her leaves her confused and she starts questioning whether it actually happened or is her brain just making everything up? Even though Susy is far from her mother, she still has that control over her and can easily make her feel vulnerable. I also love the last phrase in the last line where she says her mother could rewrite anything. It means that no matter where in the world she is, her mother can rewrite anything, or leave her speechless, oblivious to the previous events that have taken place.

**Questions

• Why didn't Daphne believe Susy when she tells her about everything that happened with Wyatt? Did she feel a sense of jealousy/rage?
• Were people suspicious that they were spending TOO much time together?
• What were her grades like? When she wasn't with Wyatt, she was thinking about him so did she get good grades?
• Did Wyatt's wife actually let him continue the affair or he lied about that?
• Did their marriage even last?
• Is Susy religious at all?
• Did she ever want to stop what she was doing? 
• Now that she's married, does she regret destroying/being a barrier in a marriage?
• Did she ever stop to think...wait, I'm turning into my mother?

Her Last Death, Summary #2 50-106

Summary

At this point in the book, Susy is a twelve year old girl who is celebrating her birthday in Venice, Italy. There, her mother makes unnecessary comments claiming that Givenchy, a famous man, is following her because he sits nearby their table. Also, she decides to take a few sips of a sweet drink and then her mother accuses her of being drunk.

Later on, more issues are revealed in the memoir that the readers did not know about previously. Her mother, Daphne, has a very bad back pain which has resulted in numerous back surgeries and medications. She also is in a conflict with her ex parents-in-law because they do not believe she should have left their son. Susy through her memoir reveals the internal struggles her mother battles with. For example, Daphne wants to commit suicide, however, does not because of the promises she makes to her children.

Daphne decides that she needs to move in order to get away from all the drama that has been occurring around her. She moves to New Mexico with her other daughter, Penelope. However, Susy does not want to move with them so she decides to live at her friend’s house. There, her mother calls her each night and is curious to learn about her feelings and thoughts. One day, she feels very homesick and visits her old apartment. When she does, she discovers that she very much misses her mother because she realizes her mother cares very much for her and makes her feel, “interesting, different, magical” (Sonnenberg 62). Her apartment symbolizes he old memories which have been left behind.

Soon after Susy moves in with her mother, she encounters her mother’s rage and signs of her mother’s insecurities appear. For example, her mom accuses her of wanting to steal her boyfriend then advices her to go find her own. She also advises Susy not to sleep with anyone this summer even though Susy is only twelve years old.

In another point in the book, Susy states that her mother dresses them up so they can appeal to men. Like many other girls growing up, she has a crush on a man who is much older but ends up inviting her to his house to make dinner for her. While she is worried about what might happen, Daphne agrees to it. It leads the reader to question what kind of mother is this?

It appears to be that Daphne shows favoritism towards Penelope. Susy is working in a theatre where Penelope is auditioning for acting. However, Daphne mistakes it that Susy wants to invade her sister’s territory. She then physically abuses Susy by punching her stomach which makes her hate her mother more than ever.

Susy decides to apply to boarding school to get away from all the drama. A lot of crazy things then happen when she moves into her boarding room. To “break in” the bed, Daphne sleeps with a guy who is only 19 years old. She also finds out that her old crush, Justin, who is about 18 years old moves into their house because the mother is dating him. This leaves her feeling a little oblivious.

In the final chapter, “Assault”, Daphne gets her first kiss and a French kiss from a student at her school who is a senior. The kiss mesmerizes her mind and it leaves her wanting more kisses. They date only for about a day before he decides to break up with her. After the breakup, she likes a guy called Hammond who then assaults her but her mind convinces her that it’s only a prank. She tells her mom what happened because they are extremely close when it comes to talking about boys and relationships and her mom threatens to press charges. Later on in the book, Susy’s father marries a woman named Katy who Susy appears to like. She shares things with her, like when Susy’s mother faces almost death when she mixes cocaine with water. The chapter ends with Susy and her English teacher going out to eat at IHOP. He tells her that it’s amazing because even though he’s fifty, he has no striking life experiences and she’s only fifteen with the world to tell.

Quotes

"At home I guided my sister from toothbrush to hairbrush, tugged her tights on, scheduled our dental checkups, thawed pears, scrambled eggs. I'd been doing these things since I was eight. I turned off the television when we'd watched enough. But at Marcy's, at any of my friends' houses, I didn't have to do anything but wash my hands before dinner." (Sonnenberg 60).

"She yanked my wrist up. Her party was gone, her bright fuzz gone out, and I felt the threat of oh no. Her lips whitened around the edges. "You keep your hands off my man. You want a man? Go find your own!" She released my arm, and the skin stung from her grip." (Sonnenberg 64)

Reaction

These quotes are somehow related to each other but it demonstrates the reverse role between the mother and the daughter. The responsibilities and actions the mother should be doing is done by the child and the action the mother is childish. However, in this case, it is the other way around. Susy is doing everything-from cooking to booking dental appointments to making sure she and her sister receive enough sleep at night. Despite the fact that she is taking on adult responsibility, she notices that at other kid's houses, she's comfortable and can act like a child. The mother in the second quote appears to be very insecure and childish, keep in mind that Susy at this point is only twelve years old. Daphne believes that her twelve year old daughter is attempting to steal her "man". Therefore, she demonstrates a trait of insecurity, a trait that is mostly present in adolescents as they are growing up. I mean, adults can be insecure at times but you would think they would be insecure about others reasons, not worrying about whether their daughter will steal their boyfriend or not. Usually, it is teenagers who might worry about whether their prettier friend or sister might steal their boyfriend so its funny to see her adult mom acting in this manner. It also goes to show that her mom sees her differently than reality. In reality, Susy is only twelve but in her mom's eyes, she's just a younger sister  who is an adult.

I really feel compassionate towards Susy because she is going through so much that someone her age should not be going through. She's facing a tough time that is not fair to her and can be damaging to a child psychologically.

I also like the format/style that the author uses in the last quote. She uses a few punctuation mark in order to make the readers aware of everything that is going on. For example, she italicized "keep" in order to emphasize on the mother's tone in that particular scene. She also uses an exclamation mark after "Go find your own" to show that she means business and she is very furious.

****Questions

• If Susy could change something about her past, would she wish to have a different mother? Like, would she trade in her mother for a, perhaps, better one?
• I'm wondering why didn't the father even have custody over the children?
• Does she regret growing up quickly or did it teach her a lot about life? It clearly influenced her life now, as an author
• Did she get along with her sister back then?
• Was the incident with Hammond actually a prank or was it really an assault?
• It doesn't mention her crying a lot back then so I'm wondering did she cry a lot or she learned to live with it/believed crying wouldn't change a thing?

Her Last Death: A Memoir (1-50)

Summary

Her Last Death: A Memoir by Susanna Sonnenberg is an autobiography in which the author reflects about her life experiences and growing up with a troubled mother. The memoir begins in present day where Susanna, otherwise known as Susy, is a thirty seven year old married woman raising her young sons in the state of Montana. She is just living the simple life when she unprecedentedly receives a call from her Aunty Irene calls her to inform her that her mother has been in a car accident and is living in critical conditions in the hospital. Although she finds this news stunning, she is not surprised to hear that her mother has been hooking up with the doctor (Sonnenberg 1). Susy has not been in contact with her mother for a while now and is having internal conflicts pertaining to whether she should visit her mother in Barbados or not. It seems as if her mind is telling her she should go but her heart tells her it's best not to. Therefore, it leaves her questioning, should she trust her mind or her heart? It also leaves her wondering if she should do what would be considered the right thing or if she should do what is right for her.

Soon after Susy finishes her telephones conversation with her sister Penelope, she commences to excruciating flashbacks. At the age of eight, she is forced to mature quicker than most people her age. She takes care of her sister and listens attentively as her mother introduces her to a whole different world. She is introduced to a world of drugs, sex, and unnecessary lies. She watches her mother move on from men to men, some who are cab drivers, bartenders, movie stars, her mom did not care who she slept with. However, it is not only her mother who lacks to protect her and give her the tender, caring love and protection she needs as a child.

The author's father, who is divorced from the mother seems to have problems, as well. For example, Susy and her father went to the movies and there was a strange man sitting next to Susy. The man begins to touch her which makes her feel a little queasy. She tries to inform her father despite the fact she is frightened to disturb him from the movie. However, her father has this simplistic attitude that she should handle matters on her own or simply let it be. He henceforth fails to provide her the protection and guidance she needs. In addition, a little while later, her father interrogates her with utterly inappropriate questions. He asks her questions like, "Do you masturbate?" (Sonnenberg 35) and such along those lines. Clearly, Susy's parents must see her as a grown up in their eyes. I mean, what kind of parent exposes their child to this kind of sexual behaviour?

Quotes

"If I speak, I'll say, "Do I have to go?" So I mustn't open my mouth. I try to think what other people say in this situation. I'm afraid my mother will die. I'm afraid she won't. (Sonnenberg 2)

"Penelope, I stop her. For two days I've tasted nothing but contradiction. Should, can't, will, mustn't." (Sonnenberg 11)

Reaction

Although these particular quotes do not contain similes, metaphors, personification, and so on, I found these two quotes to be extremely powerful. Susy is clearly having conflict describing what people think she should do or what really she should do. The difference between the two is her family members all think she should be there supporting her mother but her heart is telling her that it is not the right thing for herself because of all her mother has put her through. In fact, she is even ashamed to tell her sons about their grandmother. 

In addition, I feel touched by these two quotes and it makes me to question the severity of the experiences Susy has faced for her to be saying that she's scared whether her mother dies but she's also scared at the same time if she does not. It also leaves me wondering, does she still love her mother? And if she does, is her love not enough for her to visit her ONE last time? I'm also curious to know whether the mother truly loves her daughter and if she just seemed troubled because of a psychological issue or maybe her childhood. 

Also, these quotes, in a sense, make me understand the title of the story a little bit better. I'm guessing that the author titled this "Her Last Death" because abstractly, she has watched her mother "die" a little over the years. Whether it means dying in the sense that drugs and sex caused her not to be herself or the lies she told her daughters. Overall, I feel sympathetic with Susy. She went through so much during her childhood and although I can't relate to her based on her life descriptions, I know what it feels like to have a troubled childhood.

This story is just too good so far and I'm curious to know even more as time comes!